Take note: girls are not in direct competition with each other. This is a myth propogated by women’s magazines in order to stir up rivalry. If you subscribe to the bullshit that Cosmopolitan (and the others) feed you, then you will end up believing that the only things that matter in life are how your body looks and how to sexually please a man. They tell you that you need the perfect body; that your body isn’t good enough no matter how slim, how toned, how cellulite-free, spot-free, blemish-free, scar-free, hair-free your body is. They encourage you to believe that it is your responsibility to fulfil a man sexually, and to somehow ‘trap’ a man into being with you, then ‘make’ him stay with you. They will tell you that what you do with your life is not enough and you should always want more, try harder and run yourself into the ground in the process. You too can have the man, the career and the family you’ve always wanted. If you subscribe to this bollocks then yes, you will find it hard to believe that other girls are not the enemy.
We do notice it. We do pick up on the snide asides, the catty comments aimed at other girls. If you’re the girl who says she doesn’t get along with girls, she’s a “lad’s girl” - not because you necessarily get on better as friends with males, but more because you hate other females, we notice that. If you’re the girl who gets jealous and instead of realising that it’s a natural feeling that everyone gets at times, decides to vent it in hurtful ways, we notice that. If you’re the girl who claims that other people’s comments hurt her, but when challenged, your response is essentially couldn’t gie a fuck what you think, we notice that. The thing is, we don’t believe that you don’t care, because we’ve seen you go through this process with others. If you really wanted to push people away, you wouldn’t ask aloud ‘why do people hate me?’ and more to the point, if you really thought about it and were more aware of what you were doing, then you wouldn’t need to ask yourself.
Let me explain something, here. We don’t hate you. We probably barely know you. We don’t hate the person you are, because we’re sure that in person you’re lovely. When there’s that automatic real-life filter on everything you say and do, when you stop yourself from saying that hurtful thing because you know your social etiquette, we might even like you. We simply hate the internet persona you have - that girl that only comes out when your fingers can flee across the keys and you don’t stop to think what you’re about to post in the public domain.
So, it could be down to jealousy. Jealousy is a powerful thing and it can make you act in shameful ways. Sometimes after a period of jealousy you’ll ask yourself why on earth you’d have acted in a certain way. It’s fair enough to be jealous of the close relationship someone has with someone that you happen to like, but if you think that taking the piss out of that person in not-very-subtle comments is the right way to go about it, you’re completely wrong. Everyone is prone to jealousy, it’s a normal part of life. What isn’t okay is to let that jealousy drive you to make hurtful comments about others, or go on emphatic rants about the things you deem to be cool (and how they’re the complete opposite of the things someone else deems to be cool).
In essence, all I’m really saying is take a step back. Look at what you’re saying, and how you’re saying it, and how that might make others feel. If you’re trying to belittle others, stop. If you’re trying to take the piss, stop. You’re making everyone else feel uncomfortable. If you stop trying to one-up every other girl, or make other girls look bad, then they will not hate you, or your internet persona. Then you won’t be the person for whom, when someone brings up your name, we all make the face and go ‘UGGHHH I KNOW’.
(November 2011)
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